Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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