I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
