And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
