my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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