Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
