I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
