We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
