Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
please don't ironically join a cult
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