I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
