I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
