i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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