Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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