Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
