So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
