i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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