It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
