Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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