i already hear my dad disowning me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Drunk is a universal language darling
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