I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
