hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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