Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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