i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
