I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize