Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
