Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
