I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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