we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Of course I have a pirate flag
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
