It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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