Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
