It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm getting married
To pizza
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
