She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The air taste purple.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
