She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
