Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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