What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
