I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
handjob tips. give me some.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
