just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
