when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
