How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
