I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
