I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
