I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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