My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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