I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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