i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
