So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
