I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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