now i know why i became what i already was.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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