I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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