I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you never un-have a 4some
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
