I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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