On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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