It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm sobbing to NWA
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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