why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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