We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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