Your face is a jimmy john
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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