My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize