Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
