I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
