i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i out mim tonsoeep
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