I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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