Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
