I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize