apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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