u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Shame - the story of my life.
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