Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
