bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
