OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
