My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
