That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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