Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
