I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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