Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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