it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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