I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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