Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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