her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
