u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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