ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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