just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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